I MISS YOU!
Sunday 28 June 2009
Saturday 27 June 2009
HOLLYWOOD WALK OF LAME
When you go to another country on holiday, it's a general rule that you set aside one day for pure tourist activities. On this day it is acceptable to dig out the bum-bag, the solar-powered fan hat and that little chord that holds your sunglasses onto your face. As we were staying in West Hollywood, it made sense to go check out the walk of fame but it really wasn't what we were expecting...
My main aim was to find Nicholas Cage's star and perhaps sellotape a lock of my hair to it or something. BUT I couldn't find it anywhere! Tourists are bad enough at getting around as it is without them having a constant reason to stare at the ground. Usually tourists walk around with their eyes glued to the tops of building and thier mouths wide open but on the walk of fame it was all upside down and even worse.
The shops were over-priced holding grounds for sweaty holidaymakers and were full of junk. I did see one good thing though...a Nicholas Cage $1 bill but it was $7 so i didn't get it, however it's with me in soul and spirit.
We got to the chinese theatre where I think I saw a total of 4 dressed up Jack Sparrows. Overall, the walk of fame was the walk of lame but anyway at least we saw it.
I think this picture sums up the dissapointment when you want the cage and you get the vida loca.
My main aim was to find Nicholas Cage's star and perhaps sellotape a lock of my hair to it or something. BUT I couldn't find it anywhere! Tourists are bad enough at getting around as it is without them having a constant reason to stare at the ground. Usually tourists walk around with their eyes glued to the tops of building and thier mouths wide open but on the walk of fame it was all upside down and even worse.
The shops were over-priced holding grounds for sweaty holidaymakers and were full of junk. I did see one good thing though...a Nicholas Cage $1 bill but it was $7 so i didn't get it, however it's with me in soul and spirit.
We got to the chinese theatre where I think I saw a total of 4 dressed up Jack Sparrows. Overall, the walk of fame was the walk of lame but anyway at least we saw it.
I think this picture sums up the dissapointment when you want the cage and you get the vida loca.
SECRET HANDSHAKES AT CHA CHA
On our third night in LA we went to Cha Cha in Silverlake where we met Andrew and Dustin and a secret society of handshakes was born. I don't think i'll ever get bored of novelty handshakes EVER! Here are some action shots...
"HI! I KNOW I LOOK LIKE A PANSY BUT I'M ACTUALLY A WRESTLER"
Ah yess, for the most part the people that we met in LA were frickin sweet, and really nice but there were a few socially retarded trolls/fakers/smooth-talkers. The best pair was found at Bardot on Saturday night. Me and Rosie were hanging out when this ridiculous chimney sweeping brush of a human glided past us. Rosie tried to touch his hair (for a joke) BUT it was taken the wrong way and he side-eld up to us convinced that we MUST fancy him. haaaa. I find these types of situations rare and very amusing. I'd never usually be nasty to someone for no reason unless they happen to be completely deluded in self grandeur, this guy was, so I didn't feel bad talking back at him at all. He brought out this big speech about how he was a wrestler and asked us if we'd like to go to his house to drink whiskey (and probably wrestle). OH DEAR! He was trying to hang off Rosie's face like an ugly limpet gasping for breath on an exposed reef and was smooth talking his way to gold. When she managed to release herself from his tentacles he came over to me and delivered the exact same suave talk all over again.
There was this photographer going around taking pics for the club night and me and roz were in a picture with this guy...(who was really nice and provided us with fire for the evening)
But then...the guy asked to take a picture of me and the pansy and he said..."Um no, sorry but people actually pay me for pictures" !!!! WOW. nice, real nice.
This comment pissed me off and we was looking at me like I was supposed to be impressed so i said, "Er what? hang on a sec...did you just...did I hear you right? did you just say people pay YOU for pictures?"
Then he looked soooo confused and freaked out that his suave wasn't working on me and said "oh, no, er it doesn't matter" haha. WHAT A DOUCHE I have a picture of him but I can't put it on yet cos I don't have my camera chord. But it will come.
As if this guy wasn't enough, his cousin then came up to us who also looked totally ridiculous. He had this super-dodge mustache which was all wonky so that he looked like a botched up Dali. At least they provided us with some sort of evening entertainment.
There was this photographer going around taking pics for the club night and me and roz were in a picture with this guy...(who was really nice and provided us with fire for the evening)
But then...the guy asked to take a picture of me and the pansy and he said..."Um no, sorry but people actually pay me for pictures" !!!! WOW. nice, real nice.This comment pissed me off and we was looking at me like I was supposed to be impressed so i said, "Er what? hang on a sec...did you just...did I hear you right? did you just say people pay YOU for pictures?"
Then he looked soooo confused and freaked out that his suave wasn't working on me and said "oh, no, er it doesn't matter" haha. WHAT A DOUCHE I have a picture of him but I can't put it on yet cos I don't have my camera chord. But it will come.
As if this guy wasn't enough, his cousin then came up to us who also looked totally ridiculous. He had this super-dodge mustache which was all wonky so that he looked like a botched up Dali. At least they provided us with some sort of evening entertainment.
Friday 26 June 2009
FUCK YOU SAN DIEGO
This is not in order but i'm all for 'save the best til last' which automatically means that the worst has to come first. I'd say only 2 things went wrong on this holiday (Going to San Diego and eating a microwaved, mushroom pattie with a side of vodka cranberry.)
San Diego...
On Thursday the 18th we headed to San Diego on the Greyhound to spend three nights in a hostel by the beach. I must admit, i wouldn't have set foot on a greyhound bus if Seth Cohen hadn't gone on one in the O.C. But anyway...You know that awkward 'walking in late for assembly feeling?' That happened. We were late and the driver waited for us bit we got on and everyone had their bags sitting next to them like fabricy, boxy, children. We thought that a light stroll down the aisle might cause someone to move thier bag to make some room for us but they just stared and tightened the zips. luckily the seat at the very front (the ones the teacher and gap students sit at on school trips) had a bag without an angry keeper so we moved it and sat there.
We had to change buses at LAX, which was a pretty weird experience, the thought of a bus terminal never really crossed my mind. The vending machines didn't have water in them, and everyone looked weird. One woman looked like a pet rock with sunburn.
The next leg of the journey took forever and it was absolutely freeeezing with the air conditioning. About 2 hours in, me and Rosie saw the most terrifying snack of all time! This man got on at Oceanside with a sack full o treats and the Mexican family behind us got a pack of a Cheeto-esque snack, except they were BRIGHT RED! like devil red, and their corny, flavouring covered texture made them look a but fury. If you were to quickly glance over you'd swear that they were shoving stuffed toe sock toes into their mouths. it was GROSS!
The weather on the way down was really good and we had high hopes...of course we weren't expecting the four seasons from a hostel but we thought that if anything was bad we would just soldier through and take the piss. From the greyhound station in San Diego, we got another bus to Banana Bungalow. By this point the sun was on its way down and it was getting a bit cloudy, i guess it was a nice bit of pathetic fallacy that we should have noticed and ran. Walking down the street that the bungalow is on, we see this bright yellow box and try laugh off how shit it looks but it was to get WAY worse.
Through the door, everyone is having free hot dogs 'cus its free hot dog Thursdays guys' choosing to swiftly bypass that we go to the desk to check in. However, I was under the impression that when we booked online, we'd already paid, but apparently not, so we had to hand over $75. I don't think I have ever or will ever hand money over to someone so begrudgingly. We were shown to our room which was like a souked up, messy and army barracks. We had to get out as soon as possible, so we went to have dinner by the beach, which was one of the only redeeming factors of the san diego trip.
When we went back we knew we couldn't spend three nights there and we managed to get our money back for sunday night. We were in bed at 11 reading comedy (but supossed to be serious) novels from the comunity book shelf. the last page of one of them was so shit...something about slaying a wasp and the 'fragments of the wasp writhing in the dry sand' the author wrote wasp so many times, probabaly owing to the fact that the thesaurus isnt going to breing up any alternatives for her to use. Going to sleep so early carried with it the same concept as sleeping early at Christmas; the sooner we slept, the quicker the day would come and we could escape and spend the day on the beach. This would've been fine, except it was raining and cold the next day, it was like finding a croc mammoth in your stocking and we decided to JUST LEAVE!
Getting the greyhound again was not an option so we decided to take the AMTRAK instead. We ran to catch the 4pm train but missed it by 10 seconds,and had to wait until 5.55pm, which was fuckin tarky! The train was much nicer tho, it was freezing as well unfortch so I had to stock up on jumpers which all happened to be different shades of peach melba. My hair was fuzzy, I felt like shit, and I looked like an OAP from Florida and so....we got drunk. haaaa. best idea ever which gave birth to the best new drink ever, the MOUNTAIN JEW (Moutain dew and gin)
San Diego...
On Thursday the 18th we headed to San Diego on the Greyhound to spend three nights in a hostel by the beach. I must admit, i wouldn't have set foot on a greyhound bus if Seth Cohen hadn't gone on one in the O.C. But anyway...You know that awkward 'walking in late for assembly feeling?' That happened. We were late and the driver waited for us bit we got on and everyone had their bags sitting next to them like fabricy, boxy, children. We thought that a light stroll down the aisle might cause someone to move thier bag to make some room for us but they just stared and tightened the zips. luckily the seat at the very front (the ones the teacher and gap students sit at on school trips) had a bag without an angry keeper so we moved it and sat there.
We had to change buses at LAX, which was a pretty weird experience, the thought of a bus terminal never really crossed my mind. The vending machines didn't have water in them, and everyone looked weird. One woman looked like a pet rock with sunburn.
The next leg of the journey took forever and it was absolutely freeeezing with the air conditioning. About 2 hours in, me and Rosie saw the most terrifying snack of all time! This man got on at Oceanside with a sack full o treats and the Mexican family behind us got a pack of a Cheeto-esque snack, except they were BRIGHT RED! like devil red, and their corny, flavouring covered texture made them look a but fury. If you were to quickly glance over you'd swear that they were shoving stuffed toe sock toes into their mouths. it was GROSS!
The weather on the way down was really good and we had high hopes...of course we weren't expecting the four seasons from a hostel but we thought that if anything was bad we would just soldier through and take the piss. From the greyhound station in San Diego, we got another bus to Banana Bungalow. By this point the sun was on its way down and it was getting a bit cloudy, i guess it was a nice bit of pathetic fallacy that we should have noticed and ran. Walking down the street that the bungalow is on, we see this bright yellow box and try laugh off how shit it looks but it was to get WAY worse.
Through the door, everyone is having free hot dogs 'cus its free hot dog Thursdays guys' choosing to swiftly bypass that we go to the desk to check in. However, I was under the impression that when we booked online, we'd already paid, but apparently not, so we had to hand over $75. I don't think I have ever or will ever hand money over to someone so begrudgingly. We were shown to our room which was like a souked up, messy and army barracks. We had to get out as soon as possible, so we went to have dinner by the beach, which was one of the only redeeming factors of the san diego trip.
When we went back we knew we couldn't spend three nights there and we managed to get our money back for sunday night. We were in bed at 11 reading comedy (but supossed to be serious) novels from the comunity book shelf. the last page of one of them was so shit...something about slaying a wasp and the 'fragments of the wasp writhing in the dry sand' the author wrote wasp so many times, probabaly owing to the fact that the thesaurus isnt going to breing up any alternatives for her to use. Going to sleep so early carried with it the same concept as sleeping early at Christmas; the sooner we slept, the quicker the day would come and we could escape and spend the day on the beach. This would've been fine, except it was raining and cold the next day, it was like finding a croc mammoth in your stocking and we decided to JUST LEAVE!
Getting the greyhound again was not an option so we decided to take the AMTRAK instead. We ran to catch the 4pm train but missed it by 10 seconds,and had to wait until 5.55pm, which was fuckin tarky! The train was much nicer tho, it was freezing as well unfortch so I had to stock up on jumpers which all happened to be different shades of peach melba. My hair was fuzzy, I felt like shit, and I looked like an OAP from Florida and so....we got drunk. haaaa. best idea ever which gave birth to the best new drink ever, the MOUNTAIN JEW (Moutain dew and gin)
BOSIE ROAD AND BANJO PHARRELL HIT SOUTHERN CA
...well Los Angeles for 13 days and San Diego for about 13 hours.
On the 10th of June, country music ledgends Bosie and Banjo took a jet plane to BIG A completetly unaware of how much magic would get stuffed between the bready layers of heathrow terminal 5. To carry on with the sandwich metaphor, Bosie and Banjo's hol was a BLT (Big Lush Time)
Detox starts here. But first I have to re-live all the super-sweet-amazing things that happened, it might take a few days but I dont want to miss anything out.
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